Well, last night was the office party. Lots of wine, lots of Bud (light), lots of Hef. Good times, right? Eh, not so much...Mother dearest was there so I couldn't do my usual routine in past office parties. You know, imitating the crock hunter with the beer tap getting as much venom out of the little beauty as I could to 'elp save a life...Or wearing a a bow on my head with a sign around my neck reading, "To women, from God". Well, it wasn't total loss...I did manage to wrangle in some racial slurs about former workers, commented on a marketing rep's chest, and asked the president of the company if he was interested in going to a gentleman's club with me.
*I stood in front of my mom so she wouldn't smell my breath*
Tuesday is my last day here, since I'm leaving for NYC that night. Not really sure what to expect while visiting there. I read some of the reviews from former travelers who stayed in the Upper Westside hostel we just booked for about $90 per night...And well, let's just say that I wouldn't be surprised if a dead hooker was on our bed with mice going in and out of her stab wounds and coke spilling out of her nose like the needle scene in "Pulp Fiction". But hey, free coke! Besides, I lived with that stuff everyday during my sophomore year in college. Although, I recall pissing on the hookers after we hit them over the head with baseball bats back in the day and I'm pretty sure heroin and PCP were our drugs of choice...I guess one never realizes how different the West Coast is from the East Coast. How interesting and insightful! I am beginning to understand why Tupac and Biggie are not with us any longer.
However, the hostel is in a fairly good location right next to Central Park. I should be able to see all the things on my list! And yes, a dead hooker was one of them...Other things on my list include:
1. Pakistani cab driver: I just want to see if their accents differ from Oregon's Pakistani cab drivers.
2. Crazy guy flipping out: The first thing that comes to my mind when I think about the Big Apple is a random vagrant shuffling through trash, yelling obscenities to himself and giving the finger to pedestrians who cross his path.
3. Selling rocks in Harlem: Hey, gotta pay for the trip somehow, and since I'm too proud to whore myself, that's pretty much my only option.
4. Join a cult or an off-the-wall religious sect: Hey, it's a free wardrobe and haircut!
5. Tell my construction story at a blue collar bar: You know...That huge friggin' ball-breaker of a job on 60th and 3rd.
6. Stalk Woody Allen: Kimberly, you're gonna have to walk fast for this guy!
7. Sleep with a Rabii: I just want to take the heat off of the catholic priests for awhile...
8. Squirrel fish at Central Park: I wonder if the little bastards are as ferocious there as they are over here.
9. Meet Carson Daly: He can't ignore my fan mail forever!
10: Play around with the children: I love kids!
*I stood in front of my mom so she wouldn't smell my breath*
Tuesday is my last day here, since I'm leaving for NYC that night. Not really sure what to expect while visiting there. I read some of the reviews from former travelers who stayed in the Upper Westside hostel we just booked for about $90 per night...And well, let's just say that I wouldn't be surprised if a dead hooker was on our bed with mice going in and out of her stab wounds and coke spilling out of her nose like the needle scene in "Pulp Fiction". But hey, free coke! Besides, I lived with that stuff everyday during my sophomore year in college. Although, I recall pissing on the hookers after we hit them over the head with baseball bats back in the day and I'm pretty sure heroin and PCP were our drugs of choice...I guess one never realizes how different the West Coast is from the East Coast. How interesting and insightful! I am beginning to understand why Tupac and Biggie are not with us any longer.
However, the hostel is in a fairly good location right next to Central Park. I should be able to see all the things on my list! And yes, a dead hooker was one of them...Other things on my list include:
1. Pakistani cab driver: I just want to see if their accents differ from Oregon's Pakistani cab drivers.
2. Crazy guy flipping out: The first thing that comes to my mind when I think about the Big Apple is a random vagrant shuffling through trash, yelling obscenities to himself and giving the finger to pedestrians who cross his path.
3. Selling rocks in Harlem: Hey, gotta pay for the trip somehow, and since I'm too proud to whore myself, that's pretty much my only option.
4. Join a cult or an off-the-wall religious sect: Hey, it's a free wardrobe and haircut!
5. Tell my construction story at a blue collar bar: You know...That huge friggin' ball-breaker of a job on 60th and 3rd.
6. Stalk Woody Allen: Kimberly, you're gonna have to walk fast for this guy!
7. Sleep with a Rabii: I just want to take the heat off of the catholic priests for awhile...
8. Squirrel fish at Central Park: I wonder if the little bastards are as ferocious there as they are over here.
9. Meet Carson Daly: He can't ignore my fan mail forever!
10: Play around with the children: I love kids!
posted by Alex at 10:43 AM
2 Comments:
Darling I doubt the place is as bad as you think, and as for your list of things to do.....I think that here all those things are quite possible....at least ten anyway and definately the random pissed off vagrant yelling obscenities. Yeah, less then a week!
imagine walking down a looooong hallway that has been painted a cheap kelly green. The floor under the paper thin rug creaks and is lopsided. I entered the room and switched on the overhead swinging bare florescent bulb to see the room that indeed looks as if there just might be a dead hooker lurking under the bed. I'm sorry honey, I couldn't find anything better.......
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