Change of plans...In a good way...I just received word that we will be able to stay in a very posh and elegant apartment in the center of Manhattan instead of that sh*thole youth hostel (No cancellation fee either!). Kimberly took a walk over there to see for herself yesterday and said it was by far the most disgusting place she'd ever been to. She told this to her boss who realized that her mother would be out of town this weekend, so we could just stay at her place. This is the same elderly woman (WAIT!....elderly? Hmmm...Are you all thinking what I'm thinking? That's right! Insurance scam. Just make the weekly $1,000 check payable to Alex MacKenzie and I'll take care of your "Protection Against Robots" paperwork for you.) who owns a 17 bedroom beachfront property mansion in Rhode Island, so you have to think that this is a very upscale place. If anyone reading this is fuming with jealousy, let me just say that there are some downsides...Hmmm....Let me think....Ummmm....I hate the way old people smell. So there you have it---there's at least one con! (They all smell like steamed rice. Am I the only one who thinks this? If I am, I'll shut up. )
Ahhhh sheeeeeeet, just got holla from my dawg, Bruce "Coke Monkey" Anderson. Yo man, can I axt you a quession? How come you don't neva call ma' digits no moe? And when you gonna ditch dat hoe o' yoe's n' be a playa like you was back in da day? Juss be all like, dayum bitch get up off my flava! Yo dawg, I remember when you was reppin' H-Town during Christmas dat one year when you was all dressed up like motha f*ckin' Kringles cuz you got dat fat azz dat dem homies luved when you was in prizon..packin' yo gat in dat big azz red sack o' yo's. I still gotz dat sack and itz where I keeps my condoms...Yo dawg, juss playin'. Yoe sista been axin' bout me? I still be pourin' one out for you fo' sho...(I was emphatically poundin' my fist against my heart the whole time I was writin' dat sh*t.)
Anyway, for all of you who don't know, Bruce is a 30-something, husky, merry, lobsterish, balding fellow who is a father of 2 and used to work at FATCO with me...It's a rough office...You gotta know the street lingo if you want to survive and C. Warner is hanging on by a thread. Me and Bruce though...Yeah, we was boyz. (Settle down ladies, he's taken!)
This weekend I'm going to the Duck game against Montana with my parents and my partner in crime, Zach. He's bringing his woman though, whom I refer to as "La Skanka". When translated into English, it means beautiful, adoring, caring, loving, pure woman...It's like the Hawaiian word, "aloha" though, so it can also mean the exact opposite. But yeah, long story short---My parents are driving me, and La Skanka is driving him, so we are going to be very not sober...I'm not sure if the game will be televised or not, but if it is, I will be the naked jackass running onto the field with 4:20 left in the 4th quarter. "Whaaaa haaappen'd occifer!!!??? Ohhh, I'm sorry, I thought I was in America! Yeah, wha' country is this? Cuz for some reason I thought this was America!" As for the game, I'm not too worried about the ducks losing. I mean, Montana??? Their offseason conditioning consists of nailing fat chicks in the snow, if I'm not mistaken. Apparently, the beavers went one up on that and are apparently doing the deed with homosexual rams as part of their training regiment. They could very well be the best conditioned team in the PAC-10...(I would say nation, but I don't even want to think about what goes on in the SEC).
Other than that, I don't really have anything else planned. I will probably just be getting things ready for my trip to NYC. I hope everyone has a good weekend...I will be back on Monday with a full report for y'all to read.
Ahhhh sheeeeeeet, just got holla from my dawg, Bruce "Coke Monkey" Anderson. Yo man, can I axt you a quession? How come you don't neva call ma' digits no moe? And when you gonna ditch dat hoe o' yoe's n' be a playa like you was back in da day? Juss be all like, dayum bitch get up off my flava! Yo dawg, I remember when you was reppin' H-Town during Christmas dat one year when you was all dressed up like motha f*ckin' Kringles cuz you got dat fat azz dat dem homies luved when you was in prizon..packin' yo gat in dat big azz red sack o' yo's. I still gotz dat sack and itz where I keeps my condoms...Yo dawg, juss playin'. Yoe sista been axin' bout me? I still be pourin' one out for you fo' sho...(I was emphatically poundin' my fist against my heart the whole time I was writin' dat sh*t.)
Anyway, for all of you who don't know, Bruce is a 30-something, husky, merry, lobsterish, balding fellow who is a father of 2 and used to work at FATCO with me...It's a rough office...You gotta know the street lingo if you want to survive and C. Warner is hanging on by a thread. Me and Bruce though...Yeah, we was boyz. (Settle down ladies, he's taken!)
This weekend I'm going to the Duck game against Montana with my parents and my partner in crime, Zach. He's bringing his woman though, whom I refer to as "La Skanka". When translated into English, it means beautiful, adoring, caring, loving, pure woman...It's like the Hawaiian word, "aloha" though, so it can also mean the exact opposite. But yeah, long story short---My parents are driving me, and La Skanka is driving him, so we are going to be very not sober...I'm not sure if the game will be televised or not, but if it is, I will be the naked jackass running onto the field with 4:20 left in the 4th quarter. "Whaaaa haaappen'd occifer!!!??? Ohhh, I'm sorry, I thought I was in America! Yeah, wha' country is this? Cuz for some reason I thought this was America!" As for the game, I'm not too worried about the ducks losing. I mean, Montana??? Their offseason conditioning consists of nailing fat chicks in the snow, if I'm not mistaken. Apparently, the beavers went one up on that and are apparently doing the deed with homosexual rams as part of their training regiment. They could very well be the best conditioned team in the PAC-10...(I would say nation, but I don't even want to think about what goes on in the SEC).
Other than that, I don't really have anything else planned. I will probably just be getting things ready for my trip to NYC. I hope everyone has a good weekend...I will be back on Monday with a full report for y'all to read.
posted by Alex at 10:17 AM
4 Comments:
Alex
I just got done reading your blog. Pure genius. All I can say is that that shit has Pulitzer written all over it. I had to call Jake as soon as I got done to tell him to go read it. He already had and we both agreed that it was good shit. Ya know, you have some talent in writing. If you cleaned it up a bit or wrote for somebody that didn't care about insensitive material you could do pretty good I think. Anyway, I enjoyed it and will keep reading.
Tell me your mom doesn't really read it though???
Talk to you later
Trent
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
you were destined to do this!!!! How do I get advanced copy? I am going to start posting this all over my office.... The freaks I work with will get a kick out of reading your editorials. Keep this stuff coming... I need more stuff on C Warner though I don't think people can tell how you really feel about her!
Alex Stop refering to my girlfriend as La skanka. I am paying for it now because we nolonger have sex because of you thanks. Jackass
Post a Comment
<< Home