When I was about 12 years old or so, I took a trip to the canopy jungles in the Republic of Congo completely alone. Now, I bet you're all wondering why such a young man would take this type of trip unsupervised...
Anyway, my arrival came as a surprise to these strange black people whom I referred to as Africans. They were like the kind we have in America, but they carried rifles instead of handguns and wore polychromatic head-wraps instead of black bandanas. However, I still could not understand what they were saying as their ebonics seemed to be much more advanced as they spouted off complete gibberish with a clicking of the tongue. Feeling threatened, I plunged deep into the bush. I went deeper and deeper until I saw a strange figure in the distance. I had no idea what it was. All I knew was that it was gigantic, hairy, and extremely angry. I took a few steps closer and saw the mighty beast.
*The huge beast demanding a girlfriend and lots of candy*
We locked eyes. It was as if time stood still. He spoke telepathically to me and said to not be afraid and to come to him. I apprehensively walked to him with extreme caution. I shook his hand and he introduced himself to me as Junk Nasty Henderson. He explained to me that he and his crew had been under attack by the Africans and had been praying for someone of my skin tone to come along and save them. From that time forward, I was dubbed "The Chosen One". He was a magical silverback who pimped bitches on the side.
*"Bitch betta have my money," Junk Nasty would say.*
After spending several months with he and his crew, he said he would give me a gift so precious and so magical and something he never thought he would ever allow anyone to receive---Especially a white boy, like me. He put his arm around me and told me that he wanted to enter me. I told him that I was flattered and gladly accepted. He disappeared into a golden ball of stardust which hit me deep within my soul. I had become part of Junk Nasty Henderson! I could feel myself start to grow larger and larger and felt his presence within me. From that day forward, I have bestowed the name Congo upon him and is with me at all times. He gets a little out of control sometimes, especially when I play, "Welcome to the Jungle" by Guns n' Roses. It doesn't matter though, because he is my best friend.
So anyway, that's why I'm so well-endowed.
Anyway, my arrival came as a surprise to these strange black people whom I referred to as Africans. They were like the kind we have in America, but they carried rifles instead of handguns and wore polychromatic head-wraps instead of black bandanas. However, I still could not understand what they were saying as their ebonics seemed to be much more advanced as they spouted off complete gibberish with a clicking of the tongue. Feeling threatened, I plunged deep into the bush. I went deeper and deeper until I saw a strange figure in the distance. I had no idea what it was. All I knew was that it was gigantic, hairy, and extremely angry. I took a few steps closer and saw the mighty beast.
*The huge beast demanding a girlfriend and lots of candy*
We locked eyes. It was as if time stood still. He spoke telepathically to me and said to not be afraid and to come to him. I apprehensively walked to him with extreme caution. I shook his hand and he introduced himself to me as Junk Nasty Henderson. He explained to me that he and his crew had been under attack by the Africans and had been praying for someone of my skin tone to come along and save them. From that time forward, I was dubbed "The Chosen One". He was a magical silverback who pimped bitches on the side.
*"Bitch betta have my money," Junk Nasty would say.*
After spending several months with he and his crew, he said he would give me a gift so precious and so magical and something he never thought he would ever allow anyone to receive---Especially a white boy, like me. He put his arm around me and told me that he wanted to enter me. I told him that I was flattered and gladly accepted. He disappeared into a golden ball of stardust which hit me deep within my soul. I had become part of Junk Nasty Henderson! I could feel myself start to grow larger and larger and felt his presence within me. From that day forward, I have bestowed the name Congo upon him and is with me at all times. He gets a little out of control sometimes, especially when I play, "Welcome to the Jungle" by Guns n' Roses. It doesn't matter though, because he is my best friend.
So anyway, that's why I'm so well-endowed.
posted by Alex at 2:34 PM
2 Comments:
Oh boy....I remember those crazy mushrooms. Remember grasshopper everything is good in moderation....except possibly being entered by a gorilla.
Alex the story is good except for the thought of you being entered by a gorrilla. You are a sick and twisted person buts thats ok I still love ya.
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