Well, I'm finally settled in my new place with Ryan Voge, the same roommate I've had for the past 2 years, along with a new one who answers to the name of Jason. I'm pretty sure he speaks english...I don't know...I have to establish myself as the alpha male around here, so I just yell at him...He knows better than to speak to me, which is a good start. For those of you wondering, yes, Ryan is still the biggest metrosexual the city of Eugene has ever seen. He's single for the first time in 3 years and is making up for lost time. I swear, that guy has been getting so much poon-tang (sp?) that he's going to have to open his own Chinese food restaurant so everyone else can get a taste. The old, "Hey, I'm Ryan...I just broke up with my girlfriend of three years, 5 months and 18 days....Wanna go back to my place and let me videotape me giving you the old pinch and squeal?" seems to be working well for him. He's puttin' dat sh*t on da table---Puttin' it on da table!!! I'm so glad he's not with Leslie anymore...Nice ass, but after 3 glasses of wine she would start her annoying constant giggle and beg Ryan to drive her to Ben and Jerry's for ice cream every single night. Then they'd come back to argue about who loves who more. Nails on a chalkboard, my friend...Nails on a chalkboard. I still think her license plate that says "DANCER" will get her into trouble one of these days...Or into a movie.
As far as my education goes, I went to a Math 105 orientation at Lane CC last night and the professor said that there's a small chance that I might not be retarded afterall.
His opening line for the lecture was, "This class is for the students who need this requirement to transfer into a 4 year college, and for those who can't pass Math 111, since the nationwide failure rate for that class is close to 50%." I will be graded on 2 midterms and a final exam...No homework, but he gave us lists of problems to do to prepare. Oh, and get this---OPEN BOOK, OPEN NOTES---Things are looking up. Apparently, this class was completely experimental last year and is now legit.
Still no cable TV. Not till the 4th of October. So between now and then, it would be great if someone could put me on suicide watch. I'm going to need a lot of beer. All there is to do during the day is job hunt and homework...But who wants to do that? I forgot my squirrel fishing gear at home so whenever I see one of the little bastards scamper past my window I feel more helpless than a cokehead without a snorting-straw, a hooker without a tongue or genitals, a stripper without a pole, a horse without a --- eh, you get the idea. Luckily, I'm going up to Hillsboro this weekend to pick up that stuff, along with my new phone...Finally! I will also be bringing back clean laundry and heaps of groceries upon my return. Thanks Mom and Dad...
Has anyone ever thought about what it would be like if you got in a fight with your dad and ended up beating him to a bloody pulp? Well, that's what I am forced to do on Sunday when our fantasy football teams collide into an all out brawl. Sorry, Dad, it's business...I gotta put dat sh*t on da table...Put it on da table! I believe that I am the only undefeated team in the league now. I am a strong man! Who wants to try and knock me off the mountain?! The only thing I will say about the duck game last Saturday is that the refs were on their knees blowing the game for us in the 2nd half...However, they were doing the same thing to the Trojans a few times in the first. Not to mention a lucky break on a muffed punt and the interception of a ball that should have been caught in the endzone by Jarrett. No matter how you look at it, the ducks would have lost no matter what...I thought they showed ample athletic talent to compete with them, but they didn't have the same poise and maturity as USC. We wasted a lot of energy celebrating in the first half, instead of getting up and simply acting like we've been there before and that we make great plays on a regular basis. Overall though, I'm not worried about the ducks not making it to a bowl this year or losing the Civil War. We showed that we could drive on USC and gain positive yardage...But we couldn't get the ball over the goaline!
How's FATCO going, Robin and Sampson? Is everyone missing my pornstaresque looks and crossword finishing ability?
As far as my education goes, I went to a Math 105 orientation at Lane CC last night and the professor said that there's a small chance that I might not be retarded afterall.
His opening line for the lecture was, "This class is for the students who need this requirement to transfer into a 4 year college, and for those who can't pass Math 111, since the nationwide failure rate for that class is close to 50%." I will be graded on 2 midterms and a final exam...No homework, but he gave us lists of problems to do to prepare. Oh, and get this---OPEN BOOK, OPEN NOTES---Things are looking up. Apparently, this class was completely experimental last year and is now legit.
Still no cable TV. Not till the 4th of October. So between now and then, it would be great if someone could put me on suicide watch. I'm going to need a lot of beer. All there is to do during the day is job hunt and homework...But who wants to do that? I forgot my squirrel fishing gear at home so whenever I see one of the little bastards scamper past my window I feel more helpless than a cokehead without a snorting-straw, a hooker without a tongue or genitals, a stripper without a pole, a horse without a --- eh, you get the idea. Luckily, I'm going up to Hillsboro this weekend to pick up that stuff, along with my new phone...Finally! I will also be bringing back clean laundry and heaps of groceries upon my return. Thanks Mom and Dad...
Has anyone ever thought about what it would be like if you got in a fight with your dad and ended up beating him to a bloody pulp? Well, that's what I am forced to do on Sunday when our fantasy football teams collide into an all out brawl. Sorry, Dad, it's business...I gotta put dat sh*t on da table...Put it on da table! I believe that I am the only undefeated team in the league now. I am a strong man! Who wants to try and knock me off the mountain?! The only thing I will say about the duck game last Saturday is that the refs were on their knees blowing the game for us in the 2nd half...However, they were doing the same thing to the Trojans a few times in the first. Not to mention a lucky break on a muffed punt and the interception of a ball that should have been caught in the endzone by Jarrett. No matter how you look at it, the ducks would have lost no matter what...I thought they showed ample athletic talent to compete with them, but they didn't have the same poise and maturity as USC. We wasted a lot of energy celebrating in the first half, instead of getting up and simply acting like we've been there before and that we make great plays on a regular basis. Overall though, I'm not worried about the ducks not making it to a bowl this year or losing the Civil War. We showed that we could drive on USC and gain positive yardage...But we couldn't get the ball over the goaline!
How's FATCO going, Robin and Sampson? Is everyone missing my pornstaresque looks and crossword finishing ability?
posted by Alex at 3:07 PM
8 Comments:
Ah, the talking of the trash begins. I think I might have to pull the Cadillac out of the garage where it's been waiting for this week. No way I can have 2 bad weeks in a row...uh, I mean, Gee Alex, you've got such a great team I don't see how you can possibly lose! heh, heh, heh. Sounds like the math class we've been looking for. NO CABLE?? ouch. See ya in a day or 2
Quiet dad, or I'll put you in the home we saw on 60 Minutes!
FATCO is FATCO what can I say....not much difference oooohh no more Quad Counties as of October 1st so that is a bonus. Putting all the bosses in a Great F'in mood that is for sure! So yea everyone is still awaiting the axe in November especially now since there is going to be less work. CRW well she is just as charming as usual...... Yea and I am thinking about takin up doing the crossword puzzles just to keep up the tradition you know.
Poon-tang, Alex? Care to explain that to me, Ryan's mother???
Poon-tang, Alex? Care to explain that to me, Ryan's mother???
Oh dear god!
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