Well, I'm in the Upper Eastside of NYC. It's 10am here and the air is already too thick and heavy to breathe. I got into town at about this time yesterday and after several cat-naps, vitamin C and a healthy dosage of heroin I was ready to hit the town...I saw one minor celebrity...Too bad it was that f-ing skank, Rachel Dratch of SNL...Would it kill her to get some major reconstructive facial surgery? I'm sorry....Maybe I'm just a little upset that she never acknowledged me when I walked up to her and yelled, for all to hear, that she was my greatest sexual fantasy of all time. We also saw Time Square, Rockafellar Center, Rainbow Room (NBC Studios), Little Italy, Chinatown and Kimberly took a piss at the ESPN Zone. I also rode the subway and the bus...Surely the finest public transportation this side of the Continental U.S.! We had a nice Italian dinner in Little Italy where some sort of fair had been going on so we got to listen to arguments between the carnies about who has to work the next day in the background...Almost as good as being serenaded with dental drill...We are getting ready to go get some bagels (So help me god, they'd better be made by the Jews!!!), then we'll probably go through Central Park and to the top of the Empire State Building...I am staying in an 11 story brick apartment which is in the middle of 15 other brick apartments...Everything is packed in tighter than Mr. Weasel's fudge here and everything is narrower than a nun's uterus. The cab drivers honk at the people in front of them for no reason whatsoever, so I'm just like, dude...Driving laws in America differ from those in Eurasia...In fact, you should try eating some American food like tacos...Well, I need some more cowbell and a bagel so I must be going...Hope to be back on again soon with another update...Oh, and thanks for waking me up from my slumber yesterday, Mom...Remember that 7am here, is 4am there....Expect a call tomorrow morning....by the way, I'm feeling much much better....I'm still going to beat C. Waner with a tack hammer though for giving me flu symptoms during my flight!