I'm not really sure how much time on the computer I'll get in New York and since today is my last day here at the office and don't care how much work I get done (What are they gonna do, fire me?) I think I'll write a sh*tload...I'll rant, rave, complain, be offensive, and oh my god---If my boss walks by my desk one more time and disturbs my time of untouchable creativity, I will throw my chair at her and make fun of her god-awful orange shirt!
Well, I leave for New York City tonight at around 10:00pm (PT) on a red eye flight. I will have a one hour layover in Atlanta and will arrive in NYC at 8:37 am (ET). Does anyone else dislike talking to frequent flyers as much as I do? It seems like every single person who's ever been on a plane has the most extreme turbulance story. Why do I get the feeling everyone I've talked to has embellished their stories? Every single one ends with, "Everyone on the plane was freaking out! I wasn't scared at all though, just because I fly so much." Wow! What an incredible story of survival...Y'all don't gotta lie to kick it... The same thing happens when it snows...Everyone has to beat everyone else with the amount of snowfall that hit their residence. Does anyone else notice this? Let's say you tell someone that 4 inches of snow fell at your house. The other person will always retort with a higher inch count at their place! Trust me, this never fails!!!
I'm not off to a good start today. I have a stuffy nose and little bit of a sore throat. I know it was C. Warner's fault...Me and my homies are gonna shank her in the exercise yard this afternoon. It's not bad at all right now, but it feels like it could very well explode into something bigger. I'll just try and stay drunk during my entire trip so I don't feel it...Hey, at least it's not V.D. from that Vietnamese transexual hooker or a kidney stone! You know what else is awesome? Hurricane Ophelia is hoovering on the Carolina coastline threatening to set a roadblock between Atlanta and New York. I will not be a happy camper (perhaps literally) if I have to spend the day in Atlanta. I also want to note that if they put me next to a f-ing baby, I will flip out and probably throw a bigger tantrum than the little bundle of joy (especially if it cries in a Southern accent...I'm not kidding, I've heard indian babies cry like a rambling convenience store owner or cab driver before on Light Rail...It happens!). Maybe an English nanny will be on the plane to shake it back to sleep...Hey that reminds me of a joke: Q: How do you make a dead baby float? A: A glass of root beer and two scoops of dead baby.
+ 
= yummy!
Today is my last day at the office, but it feels like I'm the only one here that knows about it...Needless to say, when you're considered to be at the bottom rung of the ladder, you don't get any benefits whatsoever. Not even a f*cking card! I'm not complaining though...It's how it's always been and how it will always be for everyone at my level so you just kind of expect it and accept it (Excluding the good people at the Tanasbourne office. You guys rock!). Oh well, C. Warner will be missing me tomorrow when her workload doubles and she is found under her desk rocking back and forth drooling and staring off into space as the phone rings off the hook...Hmmm...That gives me an idea. C. Warner is deathly afraid of germs so i think I'm going to breathe all over her things at her desk like I'm cleaning my sunglasses next time she goes on break.
By the way, I think our government is brilliant! They are f-ing up the country so badly right now that potential illegal aliens are probably thinking they're better off staying put in their homeland. Awesome job, Mr. President! It's no longer the land of opportunity, but rather the land of recovery. However, there is an apparent national day of prayer on the 16th, so everything should be as good as new after that! Jesus Christ, what is happening? Seriously...J.C.---Ya there? Is this because I took a permanent marker and drew a bandana and sunglasses on you and at the bottom wrote, "My dad can beat up your dad"??? Dude, I'm sorry...Take a joke and let it go! Next time you get pissed at the U.S., just send a natural disaster to Idaho and Utah or something...
Well, I think that's about all I have to say today...I hope everyone feels as invigorated as I do! I hope to be able to post another entry while I'm in NYC, but if not, then I'll give everyone more cowbell in about a week or so. Until then---PISS OFF!
Well, I leave for New York City tonight at around 10:00pm (PT) on a red eye flight. I will have a one hour layover in Atlanta and will arrive in NYC at 8:37 am (ET). Does anyone else dislike talking to frequent flyers as much as I do? It seems like every single person who's ever been on a plane has the most extreme turbulance story. Why do I get the feeling everyone I've talked to has embellished their stories? Every single one ends with, "Everyone on the plane was freaking out! I wasn't scared at all though, just because I fly so much." Wow! What an incredible story of survival...Y'all don't gotta lie to kick it... The same thing happens when it snows...Everyone has to beat everyone else with the amount of snowfall that hit their residence. Does anyone else notice this? Let's say you tell someone that 4 inches of snow fell at your house. The other person will always retort with a higher inch count at their place! Trust me, this never fails!!!
I'm not off to a good start today. I have a stuffy nose and little bit of a sore throat. I know it was C. Warner's fault...Me and my homies are gonna shank her in the exercise yard this afternoon. It's not bad at all right now, but it feels like it could very well explode into something bigger. I'll just try and stay drunk during my entire trip so I don't feel it...Hey, at least it's not V.D. from that Vietnamese transexual hooker or a kidney stone! You know what else is awesome? Hurricane Ophelia is hoovering on the Carolina coastline threatening to set a roadblock between Atlanta and New York. I will not be a happy camper (perhaps literally) if I have to spend the day in Atlanta. I also want to note that if they put me next to a f-ing baby, I will flip out and probably throw a bigger tantrum than the little bundle of joy (especially if it cries in a Southern accent...I'm not kidding, I've heard indian babies cry like a rambling convenience store owner or cab driver before on Light Rail...It happens!). Maybe an English nanny will be on the plane to shake it back to sleep...Hey that reminds me of a joke: Q: How do you make a dead baby float? A: A glass of root beer and two scoops of dead baby.
+ 
= yummy!Today is my last day at the office, but it feels like I'm the only one here that knows about it...Needless to say, when you're considered to be at the bottom rung of the ladder, you don't get any benefits whatsoever. Not even a f*cking card! I'm not complaining though...It's how it's always been and how it will always be for everyone at my level so you just kind of expect it and accept it (Excluding the good people at the Tanasbourne office. You guys rock!). Oh well, C. Warner will be missing me tomorrow when her workload doubles and she is found under her desk rocking back and forth drooling and staring off into space as the phone rings off the hook...Hmmm...That gives me an idea. C. Warner is deathly afraid of germs so i think I'm going to breathe all over her things at her desk like I'm cleaning my sunglasses next time she goes on break.
By the way, I think our government is brilliant! They are f-ing up the country so badly right now that potential illegal aliens are probably thinking they're better off staying put in their homeland. Awesome job, Mr. President! It's no longer the land of opportunity, but rather the land of recovery. However, there is an apparent national day of prayer on the 16th, so everything should be as good as new after that! Jesus Christ, what is happening? Seriously...J.C.---Ya there? Is this because I took a permanent marker and drew a bandana and sunglasses on you and at the bottom wrote, "My dad can beat up your dad"??? Dude, I'm sorry...Take a joke and let it go! Next time you get pissed at the U.S., just send a natural disaster to Idaho and Utah or something...
Well, I think that's about all I have to say today...I hope everyone feels as invigorated as I do! I hope to be able to post another entry while I'm in NYC, but if not, then I'll give everyone more cowbell in about a week or so. Until then---PISS OFF!
posted by Alex at 8:58 AM
4 Comments:
Ok just once can you post a blog without references to drugs & alchol, hookers, the disabled (mental and physical)and innocent babies?
squak, squak, squak, squak...I need another drink...
By the way...Do you remember writing this to me, Mom?
From: Mackenzie, Tootie
Sent: Friday, September 02, 2005 11:21 AM
To: MacKenzie, Alex M
Subject: RE:
Now you can write what you want and not be censored! (like Ifish)
Today, being the last day of work must make you sad, I can tell your chums at work will miss you. Just remember to be nice to the people in New York, they may not be used to abrasive behavior:)
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