So last night, a little boy and I were walking deep into the woods just as it was starting to get dark. He couldn't believe how spooky everything looked and how scared he was becoming as we walked through the thick misty forest. So then I said, "How do you think I feel? I'm going to have to walk back alone!" Ok, so there's my offensive, yet, Halloween appropriate joke. Oh wait, there's one more I gotta do for Jimmy.

Q: So what's the difference between oral and anal sex?
A: One makes your day, and the other makes your "hole" "weak"....

Only Jimmy (-Ryan + James + (-Voge) = James + sexified = Jimmy) can relate to that one....I've been trying to contact the spirits with the ouija board for the last few days, but I think Jimmy's overusage of Lysol and bleach products probably wiped away any chance I had with that. I never thought you could kill a soul, especially with common household cleaners. Dammit Jimmy! I was gonna try to hook myself up with a chick ghost. But not one of those skinny young ones....Bones are for dogs, you know what I'm saying? No, I want one who's a little bigger so she's just happy to be there, and more eager to please....And an older lady---Your gonna want a ghost who knows what shes doing. Trust me, 18 year old virgins may look good on paper, but believe me----they aint all that. The ouija board could have totally hooked that up!

So, I won in fantasy football again----Big surprise....On Saturday night, I was escorted from the bar by a bouncer for knocking over a plant. It was a total accident! All I did was see some dude wearing a USC football uniform, sprinted to him and blindsided him into the wall. That poor, poor plant....So much chlorophyll to live for. I don't have any plans tonight or for this week. Oh, and apparently there are some skanks out there who don't understand what Jimmy sees in me and who don't want him living or being associated with me....Well, I'll tell you what he sees in me! Ummmm.....hmmmmmmmmmm........whew......I'll get back to you on that one.