Sorry I haven't blogged in awhile, but I have a damn good excuse. For the past week or so, I've been having the best sex of my life! This girl is absolutely amazing. She is perfect for me! Unfortunately, I woke up to her packing her suitcase in tears. I naturally asked her what she was doing. She told me that I was a pedophile, and that she wouldn't stay another minute. Well, I told her that "pedophile" is an awfully big word for a 12 year old to be using and let her go. Let's be honest, I like my women how I like my whiskey---12 years old and mixed up with coke.
(In accordance with Megan's Law and strong persuasion by my legal counsel, I am forced to clarify that this paragraph was fictional).

Things might get crazier than a rat in a tin shit-house this weekend. Some dudes that Ryan and I went to high school with all came down yesterday. John Harris, Jake McCallum, Jason Blythe and Josh "Turnover" Stover...If they were a boy band, I would call them J-4. I bet you're wondering about how Josh attained the nickname of "Turnover". Y'all are probably assuming that he was a pretty faggy basketball player who couldn't make a successful pass even if Paris Hilton was at a Spanish Fly convention. Well, although all of that was true, he actually was bestowed the name "Bend Over" Stover by his boyfriend, Renaldo at the time. So, after that, "turnover" was inevitable. Me on the other hand? I play basketball the same way I make love...One on one when no one else is available with as little dribbling as possible.

I hate to say it, but I'm going to love watching the Saddam trial. Well, not for the trial itself, but for the National news networks response to his defense. Just watching the hearing was comedy for me, and now I sort of dig Saddam. Every single news pundit referred to him as defiant like he was in sixth grade and had just gotten suspended for refusing to come down from the eagle's pearch when the bell rang. In my opinion, I think the dude is just a little competitive and can't accept defeat. He's like the dude who everyone saw go home from the bar with a fat chick, and the next morning when he's confronted by his buddies, he shows flashes of irritability and nervousness. However, since no one actually saw him do it, he will deny the fact that it happened and will hold on to his claim of being a strong man with high standards until the day he dies. Me and Saddam? Yeah, we're boys.


*This picture shows that Saddam drinks
the same whiskey I do!*

I got an 84% on my first math midterm thanks to some help from my friend, Jose Cuervo, shown here.