BLAST FROM THE PAST....
I recently stumbled upon one of my very first collegiate speeches from Eastern Oregon University. My words had such ambition, conviction and promise back when I was a youngster...Hope you enjoy
Alex MacKenzie
Professor Axelrod
Formal Writing Assignment #3
An Invective Tribute To Someone Other Than the President
I would like to thank Billy Ray Cyrus. No, not for teaching the world how to line dance, and no, not for his hit song either. No, I would personally like to thank Billy Ray for teaching men and women that it was ok to stay in high school 15 years after graduation, but still go to the parties of their alma mater and start fights. This is not a derogatory statement about people’s hygiene, nor is it an insult on the music they listened to. This is about the hairstyle that has regrettably plagued the face of America since the late 80's and early 1990’s.
Yes, I am of course talking about the mullet—the combination of smooth southern articulation and the confidence to drink a beer faster than you can say, "Kentucky waterfall!" Well, I cannot give Billy Ray all the credit. The mullet must have been God’s gift to women. I still see Billy Ray’s followers from time to time at county fairs and Lynard Skynard concerts. I see them with women that I could only dream of having as my own. You know, the ones who wear the T-shirt of their "Mississippi mudslided" companion’s favorite NASCAR driver, with acid washed jeans, and white high-tops furnished with neon green shoe laces. Yes, the ones who’s only childhood dream was be a groupie for Van Halen, and if she is sporting the chicklet, then you have struck gold my friend.
The mullet is a powerful statement of one who is business in the front and party in the back. I often wonder what people from other countries thought when they came to America and saw a mullet for the first time. Probably a lack of progress. Leaders like George W. Bush and his "rally round the flag" optimism has only fueled encouragement to grow the "Texas tailgate" over this great nation of ours. Yes, an independent mindset for an independent USA. I know what you’re thinking, "If Bush grows a mullet, then he is assured reelection in the 2004 campaign." Wrong. People who sport the mullet must understand that they become the center of attention and laughed upon nearly everywhere they go, with the exception of their 1989 class reunion. Okay, so maybe Bush could get away with a mullet--not much would change. I am not a fashion consultant, nor am I a political advisor by any means, but there is one thing that I am sure of: People who are living with a mullet atop their heads are also living in the past. I understand that the mullet is not only a hairstyle, but also a way of life, a culture, and an attitude, but it does not contain the same powers that it once had during high school.
In other words, if we want the rest of the world to take every American seriously, then everyone must lose the "Camaro cut." One cannot mix the Fortune 500 with the Daytona 500 anymore. It must be long or short, and nothing in between, even if it does drive the ladies wild in certain parts of Florida. Times are changing and so must the hair. It’s an achy-breaky-bad-mistaky, not only for you but for the rest of America as well.
I recently stumbled upon one of my very first collegiate speeches from Eastern Oregon University. My words had such ambition, conviction and promise back when I was a youngster...Hope you enjoy
Alex MacKenzie
Professor Axelrod
Formal Writing Assignment #3
An Invective Tribute To Someone Other Than the President
I would like to thank Billy Ray Cyrus. No, not for teaching the world how to line dance, and no, not for his hit song either. No, I would personally like to thank Billy Ray for teaching men and women that it was ok to stay in high school 15 years after graduation, but still go to the parties of their alma mater and start fights. This is not a derogatory statement about people’s hygiene, nor is it an insult on the music they listened to. This is about the hairstyle that has regrettably plagued the face of America since the late 80's and early 1990’s.
Yes, I am of course talking about the mullet—the combination of smooth southern articulation and the confidence to drink a beer faster than you can say, "Kentucky waterfall!" Well, I cannot give Billy Ray all the credit. The mullet must have been God’s gift to women. I still see Billy Ray’s followers from time to time at county fairs and Lynard Skynard concerts. I see them with women that I could only dream of having as my own. You know, the ones who wear the T-shirt of their "Mississippi mudslided" companion’s favorite NASCAR driver, with acid washed jeans, and white high-tops furnished with neon green shoe laces. Yes, the ones who’s only childhood dream was be a groupie for Van Halen, and if she is sporting the chicklet, then you have struck gold my friend.
The mullet is a powerful statement of one who is business in the front and party in the back. I often wonder what people from other countries thought when they came to America and saw a mullet for the first time. Probably a lack of progress. Leaders like George W. Bush and his "rally round the flag" optimism has only fueled encouragement to grow the "Texas tailgate" over this great nation of ours. Yes, an independent mindset for an independent USA. I know what you’re thinking, "If Bush grows a mullet, then he is assured reelection in the 2004 campaign." Wrong. People who sport the mullet must understand that they become the center of attention and laughed upon nearly everywhere they go, with the exception of their 1989 class reunion. Okay, so maybe Bush could get away with a mullet--not much would change. I am not a fashion consultant, nor am I a political advisor by any means, but there is one thing that I am sure of: People who are living with a mullet atop their heads are also living in the past. I understand that the mullet is not only a hairstyle, but also a way of life, a culture, and an attitude, but it does not contain the same powers that it once had during high school.
In other words, if we want the rest of the world to take every American seriously, then everyone must lose the "Camaro cut." One cannot mix the Fortune 500 with the Daytona 500 anymore. It must be long or short, and nothing in between, even if it does drive the ladies wild in certain parts of Florida. Times are changing and so must the hair. It’s an achy-breaky-bad-mistaky, not only for you but for the rest of America as well.
posted by Alex at 3:44 PM
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